Ma’am. A Southern Form of Polite Address

Some days you’re just out of sorts. Ya know? Have you ever been there? I’m willing to bet you have.

Yesterday was one of those days…and today hasn’t proven to be much better.

With a lot going on today and even more tomorrow, I showered and dressed in old shorts and top this morning, then shoved my feet into a pair of old sandals. No one would see me right?

Well, worse my freshly washed hair, had already air dried after the shower. I gave no thought of how it would look to anyone else, and simply ran a brush through it with a promise to do something with it later. I’m the only one in the house, right? Now I have fine, thin hair these days…but clean it looks thicker and easier to manage. It does help when I at least take the time to blow dry and give it a light spray.

I’d prepared enough dinner last night so hubby wouldn’t starve tonight, since he hadn’t agreed to go on a liquid diet with me. Whatever made me think he would? Since I’m on a liquid diet all day and until around four tomorrow afternoon, all I could think of was a bag of popcorn to munch on while I worked at the computer. Oops! Not one bite of food could I consume. Not a happy camper here.

There isn’t much to munch on when it’s liquid, Bouillon gives me protein and there is a bit of flavor. Chicken Bouillon, Beef Bouillon, I’d had enough. I gaze into the lime Jello I’d made, but it is too soft to fulfill the need to crunch down on something. I love eating ice, but then I remembered I’d purchased Italian Ice, which satisfied me for the moment, but decided to make a quick run to the grocery store to see what else I could find.

The need was so great that I forgot how I was dressed, not to mention the state my hair was in. I grabbed my wallet and keys, then jumped into the car.

I pulled in next to a handicap parking space. Great, I won’t have to walk too far. I was about to pass the empty handicap space when a little lady pulling into the space caused me to stop and wait for her to park before I tried to go around. (Actually I was afraid she might run over me the way she kept pulling back and forth.) Poor thing. But then I don’t really think she should have been driving in the first place. To make things worse, she sat so far down in the seat, she could barely look over the steering wheel. Dangerous, I thought. I wanted to ask if I could help, but didn’t want to insult her. So I didn’t.

As I’m about to enter the store, a young man asks me if I need any help. What? Did I really look as though I needed help? “No, but thank you,” I say.

I go to get a buggy and it was stuck. So I go to another, which was also stuck. A nice middle aged lady says, “Here, let me help you.” By now…being helped…played heavy on my mind. She jerked the buggy and out it came as easily as though it had been sprayed with WD-40.

I headed for the vegetable section to grab a head of lettuce for salad tomorrow night. I pulled off a plastic bag and dropped it. Yes, I dropped it. I bend down to pick it up to throw in the trash. An elderly man all but butts me in the head. “I’ll get that,” he says. I thank him, and instead of Iceberg lettuce, I grab a bag of Romaine lettuce and go forward in my search for anything that’s crunchable and liquid.

As fate would have it, wouldn’t you know, I run into a lady from our neighborhood. We chat for a few minutes and I excuse myself.

“Are you feeling okay?” she asks as I turn to walk away.

By now I’m beginning to get the picture.

I grab more Jello and another box of sugar-free Popsicles, then head to the check-out. I wanted out of the store, quick.

While I’m checking out, a little boy behind me, maybe nine or ten, says, “I’ll unload your buggy, Ma’am.” He was such a sweetie, all I could do was thank him. He was so proud of himself, as was his mother.

I wanted to cry. Ma’am. I’ve noticed I get this a lot lately. Do you think it has anything to do with the natural gray streak that’s extremely noticeable when I style the left side of my hair?

Okay. I promise myself not to go anywhere ever again without first making myself presentable. Ha. This is from the person who, when younger, wouldn’t even go to the mailbox without make-up!

I gotta run. There’s a Pineapple Popsicle in my future.

I wish you love, butterflies and music.

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