It is a little known, yet highly cited fact, that coffee makes Romance writers more beautiful. No one likes to say this truism out loud—mainly because the demand for coffee beans worldwide would skyrocket. One would think the resulting escalation in price would be the predominant rationale for keeping this effect of coffee secret. This is not the case. As everyone knows, romance writers do not fear economic escalation of prices due to their supreme power to stay well ahead of that particular curve. No, it’s not the law of supply and demand that rules the day here, it is the undisputed fact that if all other writers were aware of coffee’s beautific importance, they too would write romance. Such would be the end of the Romance writer’s unique and overwhelming power to seduce, not with a turn of phrase and superior character development, but with the sheer cosmic brilliance of their smile. When this smile is combined with the well noted Romance writer, naughty grin, the effect on others is known in elite circles as the Elizabeth Taylor~George Clooney effect; simply irresistible.
In every renowned interstellar study conducted on, Coffea Romantica, this species of the coffee bean has been proven to enhance Romance writer word count and overall auspiciousness during the month of November. This effect on the average Romance writer brain is evident the other eleven months of the year as well, just in lower percentages of relative word count to coffee intake ratios. This is known in Romance writing circles as the, NaNo Effect.
Coffea Romantica, enables Romance writers the unique ability to enter a state of Bliss known as, The Muse Is In and Raring to Write, on a consistent as well as an ‘as needed’ basis. This state of Bliss is what allows Romance writers to consistently produce a premier product that allows readers to escape their concerns and get lost in a story. Other writers work at this tirelessly. For Romance writers, that effect is a product of coffee commingled with our chosen genre—this has led to the widespread, yet erroneous belief that writing Romance is, ‘easy’ as well as, ‘effortless’. There are mornings where drinking the precursor to genius takes a great deal of effort as any Romance writer can attest to.
Coffee helps burn fat, it speeds neuro-activity by the increased firing of neurons, and helps protect the liver (in Romance writing adults). Coffee Romantica contains vitamins B2, B3, B5, B-Witty, nutrients manganese and potassium, as well as that highly sought, muse inducing, Cupid-Dust that does not enhance the work-product of those writing thrillers, horror, literary fiction, or non-fiction. It does not make these writers more beautiful either.
Author’s Note: Coffee beans were harmed during the making of this Blog. All facts contained in the Blog are supported by well documented empirical evidence and are consequently indisputable; they are also induced by a potent combination of sleep deprivation and caffeine intake at 5a.m.
Happy November, NaNo Warriors and all those Word-Smiths Romantically inclined! May your inner caffeinated Muse help the words flow and the romance come alive on the page. Please share your coffee facts with me. I’d love to add them to my research!